Just another end-of-the-year post...!

I have always known her to be the ‘manager’…assertive, never one to mince her words, straight forward and the ‘grown up’…the one who takes care. The one who solves all the problems…and you automatically look up to her. I haven’t known her long enough, but that’s what I had gauged. The mature one…that was her. Towards the end of the year, I saw her with her boyfriend. And I saw her play with her new phone. I guess, for the first time I saw her as herself. I have never seen these expressions on her face. An affectionate tap on her head from her boyfriend and the lady turned into a girl…blushed bright pink…and smiled the most adorable ‘I’m pampered’ smile I had seen in quite some time! And at that moment, I knew that this sums up 2011 for me. Knowing the unknown…being overwhelmed by how naturally the unknown just fits…how spontaneous…and how easily the unknown can become part of your life…and sometimes, your life-force…

A lot of things changed for me this year. A lot of changes outside affected what’s inside…and a lot of revelations gave new insights to what’s inside!

In some way, 2011 has been a year of tragedies…certain things we never thought could change, did…certain things we never thought could happen, happened….certain heartbreaks we never imagined, occurred…for people very close to me…for people I’ve admired, or loved, or respected…for my country...for my city...for matters very close to my heart...and therefore, for me…and tragedies, in some way, makes me very grateful for what I have. Loss…nothing can define certain losses…they fill little corners of your heart with pockets of vacuum that will always remain empty. And yet, it is in time of these losses, that you get to know how much someone’s being there…just being there…makes a whole lot of difference in your life. We come closer to our loved ones when we share in loss.

I came back to a lot of things this year. I came back home. My city. I came back to my love. There is something about coming back that takes feelings to a new intensity altogether. When you have felt absence, you want to just keep looking a little longer…you want to just hold the hand tighter…you want to hug closer…and you want to hold on forever. I came back to me this year. And there hasn’t been a better journey I have undertaken ever. It was symbolic for me that I made the train journey from Delhi to Calcutta alone…with a lot of luggage…and a lot of time to spend with myself. As soon as I stepped into this city, I felt free…warm…happy…back in the arms of my love…a love I have always nurtured…but a love that after this journey, has managed to sweep me off my feet…

Like every year, 2011 has had its share of ups and downs…terrific highs and terrible lows…and like every year, it has its defining moments…only this year, all the defining moments seem connected…2011 has been special, in its own way…2011 has been unique in its own way…and as we gear up for yet another new year…and bid farewell to the year that has been…as we look forward with new hope…towards new beginnings…all I have to say is…thank you for the memories 2011.

I have been happy…and sad…heartbroken…and loved…hurt…and pampered…criticized…and praised… and I have connected to something precious deep within… you will be special 2011…a special part of me. Always.