Is it time...December?

Four days ago… is it time to write again? To make some meaning out of words strung together? Is it time? And my eyes flew out…caught some movement… and I was lost. It has been easy lately… to look outside and be lost… in thoughts, in memories, in just the sight of happy people on the road… or just for that matter, be lost… lost into nothingness…

I wonder why it is so easy… is it time to write again? I look around for a sign… is it time yet? But what do I write about?

 I do not know… maybe, maybe it isn’t yet time…and I am lost again…

Writing is as sacred to me as anything can be…to everyone whom I have ever written to… you have a piece of me to yourself…so I waited for my sign… and I wondered… is it time?

Today I logged in…read two pieces of absolute brilliance… and yes, it is time to write again. (thank you.. you know who you are… for giving me, my sign!)

And now I know why it has been so easy…Winter has set in… this northern part of India. This is that part of the year that makes me fall in love… in love with losing myself to the chill in the air. In love, with losing myself…to thoughts which make no meaning…to just losing myself.

This is that time of the year that brings a lot of memories… fond…sad…of togetherness…of distances…of journeys that began and phases that ended…of things I miss…of things I remember…of things I hold very close to my heart…of events I will never forget!

December… in some ways you have always been so nice to me… even while you were taking away something…you always made the journey through the end the journey into the beginning… you always made the last day of a class end with the pretty holiday hymn…you always turned going away into a promise to come back… December! You brought with yourself the last day of school life… but oh December! You made sure that it was a day I will NEVER forget…

So when the year slips into you, December, I feel not sad that the year’s gone by… because you have always taught me that the new is just around the corner…that the new does not mean that the old is gone… that when the old joins you again with the new, you have more reasons to be happy… when the old joins you again with the new, your old bonds are strengthened… it is you December, who made me realise that it is special to make friends in school while you are in school…but it is even more special to share that same camaraderie and even more warmth when you are sitting in two different cities… when you know that in cases such as these, distance doesn’t matter!

But… doesn’t every fond memory bring with it the twinge of sadness… a gentle reminder that the time is but, gone forever? It does… and I am not one to deny that the happy smiles quite easily turn into moist eyes… but yes, December, all through my life, you have taught me the value of these moist eyes… lucky that they originate in smiles…and make those memories even more precious…lucky that we were part of those memories…lucky that there were people who made those memories…

Sometimes I think, it has been 12 years now…I have lived without the physical existence of someone… I do not think about him that often while I go about my daily chores…am I growing up without him? And then, when it is time to write, I realise, every word I type is born in him… I realise, I am not growing up without him, I am just growing into him… and you make me appreciate December, that distances never really matter…

You will always be a special month in my calendar December. For you brought my dad into life… and so, in every sense of it, you really, really made my life!